Seeking Abs...

Why is it that every where we look, someone is selling the promise of a better looking body? This is exactly why people feel insignificance in themselves when they aren't the  "perfect" that is being sold. Me included.

As much as I try to hold confidence- as much as i tell myself that I am happy and confident in me…I still have the down times, the days or weeks that I fell not good enough. The number isn't low enough. the muscles aren't toned enough… WHY.

How am I always sold on A vision and not sold on THE vision of myself. I can say things, and I mean them…i think. I am a women. I am happy. I love and am loved. I treat myself well and hold health and exercise as a high priority in my life. Yet, I still have fat days.Yes FAT days... I have days that I wished I resembled the likes of Kate Hudson, Kara Goucher or Jen Aniston.

How can I change this mind. How can we all change our tinging thoughts that appear like bubbles from our mouths in a cartoon strip. How can I ensure that my daughters grow with a strong sense of self and worth. That they know that they are beautiful inside and out. That they are good enough, more than, and always will be…?

I am looking inside to learn more about me. Maybe locate where some of these feelings stem from. To try my hardest to lead my children down a path of no insecurities and high value.
I admire those that don't show form of insecurity- but i question…does everyone have there own war within themselves when it comes to image/body issues? I know its a more common place with women…but do men fight the same war in the same way?

Take a look at this youtube video for instance… humorous it is- but when looking at the bigger picture…why is it the women that are sold in a light that men are not.
I mean, sure, we as women enjoy looking at the likes of certain images- topless buff men or what have you- but it never seems to be as prevalent as it is in women.

I am realistic about many things. I logically get it. I have carried and am now raising three beautiful children in 3 years. I have a certain amount of time in the day. I have a life outside of workouts. I have energy levels that fluctuate. I don't always eat the best...
My body…what i put in it- what i get out of it…energy, moods…what makes me a better person, a better mom… I deal with different hormone imbalances that effect me in different ways- and slowly trying to figure these out will help my body from the inside out as well…but I am not lying when I say its a challenging road. I have to remind myself to be nice- to myself!- when I have thoughts of the not good enough image.

I give myself a break…and I am actually way more fit post kids than pre…but I still strive. I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with that. The will to work towards something. I think the issue is more in the fact of comparisons.  We are all different….to compare is not a reality. To set personal goals and work towards them- seeing your own results- is where the true reward lies…whatever that may look like to you.

Thank you for reading…and thanks for allowing myself to write my way through this! This is why I love writing, and wish i made more time to do it- I finally answered my own question…it just took a few hundred words and a lot of emotions.

and this is the perfect quote~

Missing from Paradise...

Well, I am clearly not good at this writing thing these days. With best intentions i often think if what i need to write on and catch up with...but the time thing gets the best of me.

Anyways, while I sit here in Paradise...I am finding a few moments to put a few MOM thoughts to blog...

I miss my kids!

Yes. Being a parent hold many ironies.... you breathe in children every minute of every day wishing for some time to yourself- some time to breathe, relax and find yourself, even if for a brief moment. But why is it that the moment you do, you cant stop talking about them...let alone stop thinking of all the ways they would LOVE everything about the place you are in without them- and feeling a slight pang that they weren't there with you.

Parents...we are W-E-I-R-D people lol.
Please do not get me wrong. I am relaxing and enjoying every minute of our child free vacation- but there is about 25lbs missing from my left arm, another 30 missing from my right hand and 45 missing from my shirt dragging at the back. This feeling is weightless to say the least and as much as i enjoy it for a brief moment to catch my breathe, I love my kids and cant wait to hold them in my arms again :)

But for the last bit of vacation...i will do my best to enjoy this place...i know, its tough ;-)

I am blessed and so fortunate to be able to have the reality of enjoying this location and am truly pinching myself every minute as it really does- feel like a dream.

On the person/wife/love side...these bits of life to take a breather and enjoy my husband and our time as a couple- there is truly nothing better.

Proud Mommy...

My little boy is hitting many milestones quickly…and in a little over a month, he will also hold a whole handful of fingers as he turns 5! Really!? Where has that time gone? It honestly brings tears to my eyes when I think about time, and kids, and our lives…and how it is so easy to wish away time to get to another- but with life- we are wishing away those precious moments…and I want them back! Every sleepless night, scratch or bruise, tears of joy or of frustration- through all of these moments he was growing, he was transforming from this little baby, this little boy- that fit perfectly within my arms- to a boy that tests my strength when he asks to be carried to bed every night. He will ALWAYS fit perfectly in my arms, don't get me wrong- just in a different way.

The other day, Monday, Kai lost his first tooth. Wiggly for about a week, Monday morning was the day my little boy showed a little fear in the unknown as I removed the hanging tooth from his mouth, then seconds later- complete elation as he realized the tooth fairy would be making a visit tonight- and making sure to ask me whether the Tooth Fairy was real. The fact there was a question there- although he already knew the answer of yes- was even a little sad for me as hesitation and doubt seems to start so young.

Wednesday was Aunti Bully Day- and they celebrated it at the kids preschool…they put some quotes together and a group shot of all the kids in pink- Kai's quote really touched me- "Will you be my friend." It pretty much sums up the heart of this little boy. I am proud.

Kai gets major growing pains in his legs. I feel for him deeply. I remember getting these as a girl- i recall being older though- i remember having to have my ankles rubbed until i would fall asleep: and now, I rub his legs until he falls back to sleep. Growing pains- again, he isn't that little boy anymore.

He jokes with me often that he is bigger than I am- we both know its a joke- for now. I know, that soon enough, there will be no joke in that. 

Seeing Kai fill the roles in the lives of many is heart warming. He is an amazing son. His compassion, love, curiosity and tenacity for life always astounds me- and he always keeps us on our toes. He has so much love for his sisters. Always playing, always laughing, always loving. He has no fear of showing his affection and will tell you at any given moment how much he loves you- or, he will simply just show you, coming over for a hug or kiss…or both <3

kai waking t from her nap. all hugs!

I just had to take a moment tonight to express my love, gratitude and amazement for my little man. He teaches me something new about himself, life, love or myself..daily.

Take a moment and live through the eyes of children. I really believe you will learn more than you ever thought possible…

Kai I love you. I cannot believe you are going to be 5 soon. Where have these years gone?

I would like a rewind button to re-live the days a little slower…to learn a little more.

But I suppose, we have been doing a pretty good job- because you are one amazing boy.

I love you buddy.

xoxo Mom

Life Reminder....

My husband sent this email to me today that he had received from a friend.
I couldn't NOT share it.

A simple reminder of life, what is important, who is important and to remember to take the time.

You may need some kleenex for this one.
______________________________________

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'

DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.

SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.

SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'

SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: 'May I please borrow $25?'

The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard every day for such childish frivolities.'

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down and started to think:

Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

'Are you asleep, son?' He asked.

'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.

'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.'

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.

The man saw that the boy already had money and started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled.

'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.

'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.
___

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love.
If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours... But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

Dance Party...

Bringing smiles and a little laughter...

Friday is here- and Si is celebrating!

A Year to Remember...

~November 7, 2012~

To my beautiful daughter T, on your First Birthday

Hard to believe a year has already come and gone. November 7, 2011 marked the special day you entered our lives. Every day since you have blessed us more than you will ever know.
Being the third child, you sure have been a real 'trooper' to say the least. Going wherever we were racing to get, putting up with copious amounts of noise, and definitely taking the brunt of some sibling jealousies- and yet through it all, you always have a huge smile that lights up from within and shines through your stunning big baby blues.
I remember being pregnant with you like it was yesterday. As all who know me know, I did not enjoy that stage. Sorry for that. Of course I loved the fact that I was bringing life to someone, to our daughter, but all the other not so glamorous side effects, i could have done without ;)
With the first born, parents seem to find a groove, get through the days, and try to not look to overwhelmed! With the second, you tend to not necessarily know more, but know what to stress on and where to just go with the flow. The new stress when entering the world of multiples is just that, learning how to cope with more than one.
And then came you. From day one, you have been a remarkably easy-going, laid back little girl. I think you made it easy on us! I have never been able to sit back and truly enjoy all of the baby stages the way I have with you. You astound me each and every day. From your first smile, to your first tear. From your first crawl, to your first step- third time around, I have found myself lingering- trying to take it all in so as not to forget a thing.
Thank you for making me slow down- to watch and to learn. To smile from my heart and through my eyes.

I love you my little girl. You are a gift and I am so lucky you have blessed my life.

I love you.
Happy 1st Birthday.

Love Mom.

Lots of M-O-M time...

As of recently, or family life has changed dynamics a little. Ryan is back to the sky.

When we first met, some 13 years ago, my sexy boyfriend was going through school to become a pilot. He followed this endevour successfully for years and then due to some extenuating circumstances, Left the sky for ground for some years.
When that happened (pre kids) it was a change to our working dynamic. I was used to him being gone here and there: when he was gone I scheduled friend get-togethers and other life things sans the boyfriend...and eventually husband. But then, he stopped flying, and that was another schedule to get accustomed too.
I had to mention pre kids prior because that really changes the dynamic in either situation.  Anyways, as of lately I am truly so so proud of him and to be able to say he has returned part time to the sky!  A huge milestone and so happy for him and us on many levels.
However, the one thing I really have to get used to, him being gone! So before, when he flew...there were 0 children...now, there are 3... One parent, MANY activities, the 'whiney' years make for LONG days and LONG nights. When you are down to one, it feels even LONGER.

He is thankfully back from his trip, until next week: however put late most this week.
I think some more me time is in order, otherwise I may go crazy.

Is it normal to feel so overwhelmed by your own children sometimes!?  I love them. I love their moments. Their memories. However some days are way more trying than others. And some days, I feel like I an the yelling mom way more than I want to be.

I occasionally feel overworked and under valued so to speak. Working round the clock with 3 kids, still working  to help our family...stressing about work to help our family...I wonder some days when the break will come. I know that everyone had these days. I know that these days will come and go...but sometimes I just want to, well...scream. Sometimes, when I pile my plate so full, I feel like I have built an expectation by others to always work at that level. Like walking out of the hospital less than 20 hours after the birth to our 3rd baby...while on the phone dealing with an offer, is something 'normal.'  no down time.
No down time is a reality that parents have. It's a true fact. Just like worry. Your heart now lives outside your body...in your children; and suddenly, nothing else matters. They are, all that matters to you. Your family is what matters. And at the end of whatever type of day you have had, that really is, all that matters.

To my kids,
I am sorry some days my patience runs thin and my voice gets loud. I NEVER love you any less. I always love you with all my heart. Some days, I just let myself get the best of me.
I love you.
Mom

Funky Town...

Pardon the title, I still had Tuesday nights episode of Parenthood in my head.

This topic may make some uncomfortable; and knowing my parents read this, its making me a little uncomfortable!

SEX...TOYS. Yes, that is the nature of this blog. A topic that many people speak of...behind closed doors!  Mom and Dad, sorry to be blogging sex toys...but yes, kids are the product of the act with my husband :-P

Well today, I am bringing it to you because an old friend from high school days has launched a new business targeting this marketplace...A business that is huge already, forever growing, and rarely spoken openly about.

Que, the LuvBox.

Luvmybox is a monthly subscription that ships to your door a discrete black box filled with 'fun and flirty products' that will 'let your imagination get the best of you.'  They promise a new experience every month by offering different products to cater to your every mood.

Photo above not one from Luv my Box

The best part about Luvmybox, aside from its awesome name, you don't know what will be in the LuvBox...adding to the excitement yet again.

The sex toy industry is a multi BILLION dollar industry throughout North America, and yet is one that is not talked about often...nor without a red flush across our cheeks. For the ones that will admit to going into a sex store, most find themselves slightly embarrassed for being in there. In such an open culture, we generally are quite the prudes!
I love the concept of this product as it gives you a product, a thrill of wonderment, excitement...and then something new to 'try.' Adding spice to your love life is always a bonus, right!? Giving a new spin to the passion parties: with more excitement and intimacy!

For me, a mom with three young kids...my husband and I lack the element of adventure often. Finding time while not being exhausted is limited! I think this will be something that we can both enjoy from receiving the package to discovering what the months Theme is!

With the book "Fifty Shades of Grey" having won may peoples hearts...and aided to many peoples love lives, the first edition of the LuvBox was themed after this popular trilogy.

I cant wait for my first box to arrive...wonder what's gonna be inside!

So, would you try this service??
It will be interesting to find out how many will admit to it...

One thing's for sure... this is an expense I don't think my husband will question ;)


To order yours, or find out more, check out:
Luv my Box

Three going on Thirty...

Si turned 3 this week! September 19th our baby girl took the corner from toddler...to little girl! She is growing up so fast...a little too fast actually.

This girl is full of surprises. She has been a very fast and eager learner from the get go. Quick to crawl, walk...and most definitely talk! Before she was two sentences were streaming from her mouth; and now, well you cant really shut her up! She could talk your ear off all day long...and night long...and next day..and next night...you get the point! This little lady is a wonderment. Full personality. Determined. And motivated to do anything if there is a treat involved!

sorry for blur she wouldn't stay still

She keeps us on our toes. There is pretty much never a dull moment with her in the house. Si keeps the house a home...and yes, usually is the cause for loud voices and the occasional yelling match. Imagine, all this from a 3 year old.

Si is all that...and is also the most loving, caring, big-hearted person you will ever know. I think she has a bit of an old sole...

She loves telling people what to do and how to do it. But she also makes sure everyone is okay and is the first to kiss it better or bring a band aid. Always thoughtful.

When Si is alone (without her siblings) you get an entirely different side of her. The very soft, sweet and loving girl. She loves attention and she loves when she gets it one on one. She will sit and relax with you; tell you stories; brush your hair...endless hugs and kisses...and in these times, she knows how to be quiet.

Kai and her have an amazing relationship. They couldn't be closer peas in a pod. Yet, with this closeness...they love hard, and they fight hard too. Our little lady sure knows how to stand up for herself...its usually Kai coming out of battle with tears.

Si desperately tries to take care of T. Her loving and nurturing side shines through as she attempts to mother her. The issue here, T is almost the same weight as Si, and so her carrying her around tends to look more like dragging the baby around the house. Thankfully T is a mellow child and generally has a huge smile on her face. Yes, the third child definitely puts up with a lot more (sorry Reid for all the torture Kajs and I put you thru!).

Her love of lips (lipstick), nail polish, purses and 'date shoes' (my high heels) leave me a little concerned for the future...but for then, i am happy that she is such a head strong lady. For now, i would prefer her to listen to her mom and dad; unfortunately for us, that rarely happens.

(bad iphone pic- but getting a pedi with her lips painted pink with "whips" i.e. lips)

Si,

You are such an amazing daughter. I am so fortunate to have you and am thankful for every day. You teach me how to be stronger, love unconditionally and the true meaning of persistence. You are only three today, and yet in so many ways you are wise beyond your years.
Thank you for being you, for bringing light to our days, love to our hearts... and a little crazy to our brains! You define the word energy, as well as define the word love.

I love you love bug. Happy Birthday!!

Love Mom

Hockey on Lock-out!??...

Who says hockey is on lock out!? Kai sure doesn't seem to think so!
Yes he loves the Canucks...but he wont miss out on his ice time!

Our little man started his hockey lessons yesterday. Cookie Monsters its called! Aside from maybe 4 lessons last October/November, he has never been on skates...and has certainly not held a stick, on ice, dressed in all the gear.

He shocked me!

Arriving at the rink 20 minutes early so i could dress him, yes it seriously takes that long, we started the process.  Little boys Bauer undies with built in jock strap...hilarious...shoulder pads, neck cover, pants, jersey, helmet, skates...the list is long! And not to forget the bag to hold it all in, it is literally the size of him; thankfully on wheels so he can drag it himself.

Once geared it was ice time...
the first few steps were a little rough. he was actually spending more time on his butt...I was actually a little nervous the coach was going to tell me he wasn't ready. But within minutes, the coach taught the kids how to stand up quickly on the ice...and after that his confidence grew and his minutes on his feet were even longer than those on him bum!

He did such a great job, and even scored a goal (on an empty net...hey you gotta start somewhere)!

Look out Kesler...there's another 'K' coming to the rink...