Emotional Ride to Whistler...

Wow. I cannot believe it is already Wednesday. Nearly a week since I last blogged. So much to write about and so many things to express, yet my mind and body have not been linking together well these past few days and I have not found much time, nor the energy, to type... I am dying to get things down, but am having problems finding the right words to express myself.

Lets start easy and see where it goes.

Thank you again to Kristi Gordon for her interview last week for the featured Celebrity Mom Interview! It is always fun to catch a glimpse into the busy lives of other woman (mom, mom to be, or not at all!). I find sometimes glimpses of other peoples lives helps to put our own lives in perspective in some odd way.

As for life and what has been going on over here. Well, my husband is officially 3-0! We celebrated last weekend with the family as he rang in the new digit. Too much food, good wine, some amazing gifts...and one not so great one.

Unfortunately, the art of surprise to my husband isn't really a good thing. I am not going into any great detail here, lets just say, I thought that a surprise trip to an undisclosed location sans kids would be an amazing gift for him...and us.  A nice thought and gesture wasn't received the way I had "expected" it to...and thus, a weekend blow-out and emotional exhaustion for the two of us, beyond any we had experienced in a long...LONG...time.
Life can be full of surprises. And his birthday came with one for both of us. Never in my wildest dreams did I think my plans would cause any form of argument, sadness or anger. And it did all of the above. That is the funny thing about expectation. Even when you know someone, you cant necessarily "expect" things. Be it a reaction, an outcome, a gesture or a gift. The minute you take your own expectation out of the equation, you wont get hurt, saddened, angered or disgruntled along the way. It is something that seems so simple, yet is the hardest thing to accomplish.

Putting the past behind us, we picked up our bruised hearts and broken egos and continued on with time for just the two of us; only looking a little different in location to me...but with the same intent. To spend time with my husband...just the two of us.

And so, here we are in a wonderful part of our province, even more beautiful on a hot sunny day, spending time together:laughing, talking and re-kindling the love that was hiding behind anger over the past few days.

It is amazing what you can allow to escalate and argue about when feelings get hurt and exhaustion takes over.

The tears are gone and the smiles are here.
The clock has been reading 8:30 am..instead of 6:30 with the kids. The work emails and phone calls have been minimal. The food has been made for us. I have only done one load of laundry. We are relaxing.

And so we are enjoying our mini-vacation. With the kids never too far out of thought. They are in most of our conversations.
Once a parent always a parent. Always wanting a mini moment to yourself, but missing them the entire time you get it.

To Life. To Love. To Happiness.

Trying Times...

Life has been full lately as we have been running at full speed. Almost relax time! Long weekend here we come!!

With the way life has been, I have been feeling really guilty about the quality time (or lack there of) I have been spending with my kids. I am so excited for this weekend ahead full of family time and celebrations.
With the chaos of work and life last week, the nanny bill added up way too quickly as I had little time to think let alone be home playing with the kids. I know that life just goes like that sometimes, and in my line of work I have to take it when it comes, but it makes me feel that pang of guilt for not being there as much with the kids.
And then, when I am there... Lately I feel the guilt as I am sending Kai to time-out and trying to get Si to understand the concept as they are both, shall I say, testing the boundaries. Some days it feels like a no win situation; and
I am taking it all in stride, trying to navigate through the terrible 3's of Kai and almost 2's of Si. Yes, they are a real phase. No they are not only the Terrible Twos. I figure they are labeled as such because that is around the age they begin...give or take a year. I figure, they are not talked about as the terrible years or decades because that would just scare everyone into vasectomies and/or tube tying! The real fact is, parenting is scary. You do your best and raise you kids the best way you know how. This young age is when children are learning they too have a voice, and that yes, they can be heard! I mean really, can you think back upon your childhood and teenage years and think of a time you weren't worrying or tormenting your parents. Yes, its called payback...and its real.
For me, I recall falling on glass as an infant and needing stitches in my wrist; I have been told of temper-tantrums thrown in the middle of stores with everyone looking on with faces of judgement (clearly these people did not have children); The I hate you dad years; The I hate you mom years; The I hate my sibling years...you get the point. There is always and will always be something.
So as a mom...I take it one day at a time. One minute at a time. I do my best. I am the best mom I can be.
I love them with all my heart. I may miss some hours in the day but I am not missing their lives. I spoil them (yes its true). I discipline them. And I do my best to direct them through life the best way I know how.

I love you Kai and Si.
Thank you for having come into my life. Thank you for being you. Thank you for teaching me what Unconditional Love truly is.

"Mommies are just big little girls.  ~Author Unknown"

Spring Cleaning...

Another "thing to do" on my list (you do not want to see my list; it seems to expand rapidly and never shrink). We have lots of things to clear out and I was thinking of having a "garage sale/friend swap." Who's in!? It's time to lighten the load in closet space and clear out the odds and ends sitting in our crawl-space.
We have kids/baby clothes, toys, men and women clothes, books, carpets...i don't even know what else! Another great reason to give it to a good home! (If we don't even know we have it, why do we have it!?).

Over the next little while I am going to organize...was thinking for a weekend (Saturday) in April.
If anyone is interested in bringing stuff and/or coming to check stuff out, let me know and I will see if I can organize a bigger "swap meet" for us all!

Happy Spring Cleaning...
For the Martha Stewart in you...here is her Spring Cleaning Checklist. Clearly, she has WAY to much time on her hands! Like any of that is likely in my house...my suggestions #1-800-house-cleaners! ;-)

Don't forget to Spring Forward TONIGHT!

A little Nudity...

So, toddlers obviously have a fascination with running around naked. Really, as long as its around our house, I can get over that...no big deal. But I have a few developing issues that I need to nip in the butt (no pun intended).

For starters, Kai. If he does not have pants on, he enjoys sitting on the couch "playing." Awesome...are you serious! You are not even 3! My daily task is to ensure pants are on!
Si, well, you have all heard my problem with her... if she is not in her onesie, when the inevitable daily poop comes, she enjoys painting (with the poop!). It got so nasty that last week, while I was out working, Ryan texted me saying "call me." The minute he entered her room to get her from her nap, he was hit by a horrendous smell... and a baby standing in her crib, covered HEAD TO TOE (yep, even the face) in s*#t. All I could say was that I was happy to be at work! In hindsight... eventually it could have made for a pretty hilarious photo... maybe for one of those wedding day slide shows. Next time!

And then there is the problem of nudity together and opposite gender fascination. Well more so, female fascination. When Kai is nude, Si tries to run after him and "grab." Yes. That thing that hangs down from his body is such a foreign object that curiosity gets the best of her... I guess all is healthy in the wondering.

Gotta love the ages and stages!

Picky Eating...

We have problems with getting Kai to eat much of anything some days...let along something healthy! I swear he has been surviving on cheese strings and juice for the past while! I make him and Si dinner every night, and every night it ends up being that we make a second meal entirely, or, Ryan and I threaten bedtime if he doesn't sit and eat. It is brutal! He takes his "One a Day's" as he calls them, vitamins, to ensure he is at least getting the minimum from those nutrients, but otherwise, mention anything green and he pretty much runs the other way! It's to the point that about a month ago I actually had to take him for blood tests, I think harder on me then him, to check his iron levels and what-not. He was complaining of being tired, which if you know Kai, is totally NOT him; that along with his limited diet, we were concerned.
Tests are back and all things are normal....but now for the food...the HEALTHY food!
Tonight I made Kai and Si macaroni and cheese. A meal I know they both love to eat...but this time I made a few changes. I mashed up cauliflower, peas and carrots and mixed them together along with some milk, cheese and a little butter. This was the "sauce." I then baked it all together and melted a little more cheese.
And of course, had to top it with ketchup for extra enticement (well actually to hide as much of the green as I could).
Here is how it turned out:

I know, not totally appetizing in look...but I must have done something right!

He ate every last bite...without bribery or incentive. I WON THE DINNER WAR (for tonight).

So what's on their plate for tomorrow?

The Great Debate...

Enter the world of parenthood and everyday is filled with its own set of challenges.
Our current/upcoming topic that is a HUGE decision...preschool. Now the parenting begins and the playing is left till after school. Kai will be 3 in April and ready for his first year of preschool this September. These days, it is not only where to send your child, but at what age as well. There are some new "junior kindergartens" that take children as young as one. In essence it is a childcare facility at this age, yet they still have some structure to their days (as much as you can give a one-two year old!). The topic is on the table because over the next few weeks, registration begins!

We began our thoughts on this pretty quickly after Kai was born. The reason being, most of the good schools (yes, even preschools) have waitlists for years! If you can believe it, some actually register your name the minute you find out you are pregnant. A little excessive, I think yes! But to each their own.
We were originally thinking of sending him to a Junior kindergarten a few days a week starting this past fall. It didn't pan out for a few reasons and in the end I have been happy it didn't. What's the rush to send your baby to school so fast!? They have their entire lives to be there. Come the fall, I think he will be ready, and so will we by then.

Now for us, the decision is where...and why! Sienna follows Kai around everywhere. She loves to sit and read, and yet she loves to stick her hand in dirty diapers...yes discgusting! But she is a big factor in our equation of Kai and preschool. With Kai going a certain number of days/mornings a week, Sienna will still need to have a place to be. Currently, when I am working, the kids are with our part-time Nanny. She is fantastic and the kids love her, but realistically, we cannot afford to employ a nanny and pay for school; and so, our thoughts are leading us in the direction of a junior kindergarten where Sienna can be on the same "campus" as her older brother. The two of them can have the same schedule, and this in-turn makes a happy mom :-)

Here are some of my thoughts and "foreseen debates" that we are, and will be, dealing with:

- How many days a week
- Time of day (morning or afternoon)
Cost
- Preschool and part-time nanny
- junior kindergarten for both kids
- Preschool and daycare!?
Cost
curriculum
-Location
-Cost

For those of you who don't have children yet, or you do but you have not gotten to the stage of looking into preschools, they seem to charge an equivalent rate to University. Since the children are 1/4 to 1/2 the height of a grown adult, the tuition is reflected by 1/4-1/2 the price! Not really, but I figure, pretty damn close! So if we are shelling out this amount of money for our child's education and learning, I want to make sure that we are getting the most value for our dollar. Preschools are private and therefore you must pay...I can see another debate a few years in the future, private or public!?

We have looked into CEFA (Core Education and Fine Arts), and they offer some amazing things at their schools: from uniforms all the way down to meal planning. This is a Junior kindergarten. And here, the days are full from 9 to 5 if you want. Great for a working 9-5 parent, but not necessary for me...but maybe this is where the kids can go on the same 2 days a week and no more would be needed!??
Or do we go to preschool...there are some amazing ones in our neighbourhood: from Montessori programs to French immersion.
Wish us luck and please send thoughts, suggestions and advice...it is all welcomed and appreciated!

"It will be gone before you know it. The fingerprints on the wall appear higher and higher. Then suddenly they disappear." ~Dorothy Evslin

If it's not one thing...it's another!

Why does it feel like life is always, "if it's not one thing, it's another!"

Lately, LIFE begins to settle in one area and then LIFE begins building in the OTHER. If it's not you it's another that you are affected by.

My question, when does life become your own...for a year, for a minute, for a second...

I am quickly learning...it never does. If you have family, in ANY FORM, it never completely resides in your own hand; because, the minute you care for someone, family or friend, you never know where life will take you.

If it is not your life experience and learing, it is someone elses...

To the tears, the laughter, the love...

To learing...

To life... 

Thank you for tomorrow.

xo

Time with Two

It is hard to believe it is November already! Where does the time go!?

This was a conversation that came up between Ryan and I last night once costumes were put away, kids were in bed and a glass of wine was poured! We look at our life and so often "wish away" time, when it goes way to fast in the first place. For us its the milestones in our children's lives that we can't wait for to happen; when is she going to start talking, when will he be okay to leave moms side...but why do we look forward to these stages instead of embracing the current ones? It feels like just yesterday Sienna was a newborn and Kai was just beginning to talk. Actually, in all honesty, it feels like just yesterday that we found out we were pregnant for the first time! How the years have flown!

We had a mommy playgroup over on Saturday. We would love to meet more often but busy schedules have made it next to impossible...but we finally arranged it, moms, kids and for the first time...the men too! It was a loud house for a couple of hours, but it sure was fun! All the kids were in costumes, lots of food was being consumed, and there was a common themed question in the room..."when are you having another!?" This is a question that really is hard to answer and only the people involved know what answer is right for them~

It has been my experience with having two so close together that there are many pros and cons to this situation, and a good point on the above note of time flying by! You only get busier with two and those first few months with the newborn are EXHAUSTING! I remember wishing for her to at least be able to sit on her own, to hold her bottle, to crawl, to stand all in hopes of a slightly easier day with the both of them...how much easier would it be if I could sit her with Kai and they could play while I tried to get a few things done! I want those stages back! They are all so amazingly precious and now my little baby is nearly RUNNING as she tackles her brother on the ground. Maybe with more of an age separation you would have more time with the newborn while the other is in preschool? I am not sure, but I wouldn't have it any other way...

Although our household is chaotic, and although I wish at times that I could turn the time back and enjoy the moments again, our two kids have the most amazing bond and friendship. Kai watches out for Si, he calls her his "pretty girl" and is always making sure she has what she needs. It is magical. And Sienna, she would follow her big brother around day and night if she could. She holds this wonderment in her eyes, a sparkle that only shines for him.

Where does the time go!?

Kailen and Sienna are my constant reminder to "breathe." To take in the minutes and live each and every day to its fullest.

One of my favorite quotes:

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."- Unknown

As long as we have many moments that have taken our breath away, lasting memories and lots of love, I am okay that tomorrow is gone and today we are losing our breath again.

So mommies... when are you having another one?

xoxo

The kids and the cupcakes Kai "helped" me make!

Life Happens

I want to write this for all of you moms out there. And one specific mom, an amazing woman,

thank you for being such a great friend.

 

Do you ever feel like your days pass by and you are barely accomplishing anything?

A girlfriend of mine is an amazing woman, an amazing mom to a beautiful little girl, an amazing athlete, works her a** off to help provide for the family and is at a point where she asks herself why...why is she busting her butt to get everything into a day when she feels at the end of that day none of it was really all that important. What is important, is to be enjoying her time with her daughter, her family.

As a women, a wife, a mom,  I completely understand where her words are coming from and where her heart is torn. It is sometimes all you can do to get through a day; and at the end of that day, life still happened.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.- John Lennon

I think this quote is perfectly suited to moms. We are ALWAYS making other plans. It feels like we try to fit our things "in" to OUR day so we can continue on getting the kids settled, the house clean, the bills paid and possibly even attempt to make some form of a living financially as well! We call a sitter so we can get an hour for a run, a coffee, a grocery shop, a NAP!  Dont get me wrong, I wouldn't change motherhood or my life with kids for ANYTHING in this entire world, but because of them it makes me question what truly is important in life and when to start living  life oppose to life living me.  Busy is something that will never change in my life. For me, with a 2.5 year old and a 1-year-old life just is, busy! It is figuring out what is important in life and where the priorities fall. I need to find that balance. I think this is where some of us moms, especially new moms, have a difficult time. You are living one life, then a little person enters your life and you have to find a balance that you are happy with and that allows you to still be your own self. A difficult transition, and maybe another article on that one day...

"The busy have no time for tears."-Lord Byran

This quote is hilarious to me! I feel the busier I am the more tears there are! Busy=Tired. Tired=Tears.  A simple equation that i am sure many moms would agree with. I know a few that I have shared some tears with...let them flow!

We do our best. I do my best. And as life happens I learn a little more with every moment. It is the little things in life that mean the most, and as life happens, so do I.

Terrible Twos...

So I am discovering, on a daily basis, that the "terrible two's" are a real phenom; And with them comes the "terrible twenties" because I don't think I have ever been so mentally and physically exhausted! Mix a two-year old, with daily life and stress, with a walking one year old, and there is no mix in that equation for much of anything...let alone rest!

Kai is at a point lately where I can only leave him with a select few people, otherwise I can't leave him at all. Everything is "mommy do it" "i want my mom", when does this phase progress forward!? It's hard to wish away time, but when you are arguing with a 2-year-old, you quickly find yourself loosing your mind! 

In parenting, I find that with friends around you, you learn from one another. I constantly find myself in "growing friendships."  Within my circle of friends I was among the first, if not the first, to marry, to have a baby, to have a second baby... so I was in a place to "make new friends." With kids the learning and growing never stops, and to have people who can relate to the ages and stages of life help make the days go by! Thank you to all of my friends for being such a strong support system. I don't know what I would do to get through some days!

What I have learned about this age and stage that Kai is going through, is that he needs stimulation and exercise. He LOVES playing outside, going to the park, coloring and playing with his cars. When a tantrum begins sometimes all he needs is a re-direct on to a different activity. This is why Ryan and I have decided it is time for him to enter into Junior Kindergarten. We are now wait-listed for an amazing Junior Kindergarten school CEFA.  Check them out at www.cefa.ca

One of our amazing friends is involved in the Cefa School in Langley and we have heard nothing but the best! Check out her amazing blog at www.cefalangley.wordpress.com

Fingers crossed we can have a fresh start to 2011 and have both Kai and Si in this amazing program!

My feelings are that, like adults, kids need to be social and set into different environments. It only allows them to grow and expand their little horizons. There is so much to learn in life, and as a parent, we can't even begin to think we have the ability to offer it all! We all need a little help. A little piece of mind ;-)

a little...rest!