Never Say Never...

Written March 5, 2011

Ryan and I have had a whirlwind couple, well handful, of years and just as we think we are finally settling... a curve ball is thrown.
A positive... a positive...!?
That in laments terms is, I peed on a stick and yep, I am pregnant!
Here's to three under three-and-a half...holy s*#t.

Here we were getting used to our life as a family of four, still not sure if "eventually" there would be more, but not totally set on that... and as life would have it, there was a plan for us I guess.

"A grand adventure is about to begin."
-- Winnie the Pooh
Our life is already crazy chaos, what is this new stage going to look like? I guess only time will tell. We will need to band together as husband and wife, mom and dad, and Kai and Si as sister and brother.

So many emotions/feelings sit inside of me right now, along with a fluttering stomach and slight bit of nausea. Oh my god, to start. Can we do this. How will we do this. Thank goodness I am working again. Will our new addition be a boy or girl? How will Si handle a baby (being the youngest). How will Kai and Si handle it as they are the best of friends right now. How is my husband handling the news I graced him with this Saturday morning...

"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. "
-- Evan Esar

And through all of my questioning, concerns and worries... I can't help to be really excited for this new chapter of our lives that is ahead.  I know that I will continue to learn everyday. Be filled with love and joy. And that I will just have to remind myself to breathe every once in a while.

"The most important thing she'd learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one."
- Jill Churchill

The Great Debate...

Enter the world of parenthood and everyday is filled with its own set of challenges.
Our current/upcoming topic that is a HUGE decision...preschool. Now the parenting begins and the playing is left till after school. Kai will be 3 in April and ready for his first year of preschool this September. These days, it is not only where to send your child, but at what age as well. There are some new "junior kindergartens" that take children as young as one. In essence it is a childcare facility at this age, yet they still have some structure to their days (as much as you can give a one-two year old!). The topic is on the table because over the next few weeks, registration begins!

We began our thoughts on this pretty quickly after Kai was born. The reason being, most of the good schools (yes, even preschools) have waitlists for years! If you can believe it, some actually register your name the minute you find out you are pregnant. A little excessive, I think yes! But to each their own.
We were originally thinking of sending him to a Junior kindergarten a few days a week starting this past fall. It didn't pan out for a few reasons and in the end I have been happy it didn't. What's the rush to send your baby to school so fast!? They have their entire lives to be there. Come the fall, I think he will be ready, and so will we by then.

Now for us, the decision is where...and why! Sienna follows Kai around everywhere. She loves to sit and read, and yet she loves to stick her hand in dirty diapers...yes discgusting! But she is a big factor in our equation of Kai and preschool. With Kai going a certain number of days/mornings a week, Sienna will still need to have a place to be. Currently, when I am working, the kids are with our part-time Nanny. She is fantastic and the kids love her, but realistically, we cannot afford to employ a nanny and pay for school; and so, our thoughts are leading us in the direction of a junior kindergarten where Sienna can be on the same "campus" as her older brother. The two of them can have the same schedule, and this in-turn makes a happy mom :-)

Here are some of my thoughts and "foreseen debates" that we are, and will be, dealing with:

- How many days a week
- Time of day (morning or afternoon)
Cost
- Preschool and part-time nanny
- junior kindergarten for both kids
- Preschool and daycare!?
Cost
curriculum
-Location
-Cost

For those of you who don't have children yet, or you do but you have not gotten to the stage of looking into preschools, they seem to charge an equivalent rate to University. Since the children are 1/4 to 1/2 the height of a grown adult, the tuition is reflected by 1/4-1/2 the price! Not really, but I figure, pretty damn close! So if we are shelling out this amount of money for our child's education and learning, I want to make sure that we are getting the most value for our dollar. Preschools are private and therefore you must pay...I can see another debate a few years in the future, private or public!?

We have looked into CEFA (Core Education and Fine Arts), and they offer some amazing things at their schools: from uniforms all the way down to meal planning. This is a Junior kindergarten. And here, the days are full from 9 to 5 if you want. Great for a working 9-5 parent, but not necessary for me...but maybe this is where the kids can go on the same 2 days a week and no more would be needed!??
Or do we go to preschool...there are some amazing ones in our neighbourhood: from Montessori programs to French immersion.
Wish us luck and please send thoughts, suggestions and advice...it is all welcomed and appreciated!

"It will be gone before you know it. The fingerprints on the wall appear higher and higher. Then suddenly they disappear." ~Dorothy Evslin

"Do the Potty Dance"

The time has come, to potty train Kai. He will be three is April and, well, quite frankly, I am tired of changing diapers. We began this process in the fall and he was actually doing really well...and then he reverted. Through reading as well as hearing through other people, I have heard this is a normal thing and that "when they are ready" they will let you know. Well, I think he is ready!? He asks occasionally to go to the "toi-yet" and we try to remind him that if he does he gets to have a treat. His choice is usually some Smarties. But not even chocolate tempts him some days. So our war against Kai's diapers has begun.
This morning, I took off his overnight diaper and put his pants on...no diaper. I came home the other day with another bag of the pull-ups training diapers, but even these don't tempt him enough. He somehow knows that he can still pee in these...and so commando it is!
For Christmas we got him some new big boy underwear "just like dad wears." he loves wearing these, over his diaper, because he knows he has to keep them dry; so today, they are going on!
It is just past 8:00 and so far we have made the trek to the potty three times...positive start!

We still have at least a few more months of diapers in our home with Sienna not quiet there yet; although, she already lets me know when she needs a new diaper and then runs to the toilet...already ahead of Kai in some ways. I am hoping this is a strong start for her and potty training.

Potty training is something that takes time and patience. I know that I am partly to blame for Kai still being in diapers. I have not yet put in the right time to continue his success, and so today we are starting with the time!

Here is a list I found from babycenter.ca on potty training boys. To each their own I guess, because I already see many discrepancies for us here!
1) Wait for the right moment

2) Let him watch and learn

3) Buy the right equipment

4)Help your child get comfortable with the potty

5)Buy him some cool pants

6) Set up a training schedule

7) Teach him to sit first, then stand

8 ) Set aside some naked time

9) Celebrate his successes

10) If at first he doesn't succeed, try, try again

11) Raise the fun factor

12) Move into night mode

13) Ditch the nappies completely

I definitely agree with #1. After having reverted, this is a true fact. Just because you are ready to train them at a certain time, does not mean that they are ready to learn. So make the time when they have shown their own signs of readiness!
For us, #2 on the list is not an option...I think he has had enough "learning time" in that department! Maybe to watch dad may give him his benefits now, but for those of you that recall a blog I wrote awhile back about Kai noticing the difference between girl and boy...#2 is not an option for me!
#3...of course you need the right things to train, but for some that list is huge and for others, all you need is a toilet (check) and some big boy underwear! Kai never took to sitting elsewhere in the house to use a "potty" and I never really had an interest in emptying a crap filled kids potty into the real thing, and so, he sits on the porcelain TOILET.
#7 seems to have come naturally to him...i guess he has watched daddy do it. I have to admit it was pretty cute watching him stand to pee, while actually having to stand on his tip-toes to shoot in the bowl.

So, to each their own. Good luck to all of you training or soon to be! I am sure there will be more on this subject in the near future, but for today, i am staying positive, and Kai is staying dry.

15 Step Program

I came across this "program" the other day and couldn't stop laughing in how true so much of it is!

This is a great test for all of those want to be parents in a very humorous way.

I don't fully adhere to lesson number 7 as I have vowed to never own a mini-van and am still holding strong...but discustingly dirty INSIDE AND OUT, it is!

This is kind of one of those lists that you wish was around when you were contemplating  child-bearing. But I do say that there are some essentials that have been left out. First read the published 15 step program, then I will fill you in on my additions...and my list seems to be growing, daily...no, by the minute!

The program is posted all over the internet and I am unsure who wrote the original, it may be "Mama Hippo."

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their…

1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior. Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel….

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.

4. Set the alarm for 3AM.

5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.

6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.

7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.

9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out..

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this – all morning.

Lesson 6

1. Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint, turn it into an alligator.
2. Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle.
3. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower

Lesson 7
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle Cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 8

1. Get ready to go out.
2. Sit on the floor of your bathroom reading picture books for half an hour.
3. Go out the front door.
4. Come in again.Go out.
5. Come back in.
6. Go out again.
7. Walk down the front path.
8. Walk back up it.
9. Walk down it again.
10.Walk very slowly down the sidewalk for five minutes.
11. Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way.
12. Retrace your steps.
13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you.
14. Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Lesson 9

Repeat everything you have learned at least (if not more than) five times.

Lesson 10

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is also excellent). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 11

1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine month old baby.

Lesson 12

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking What’s “Noggin”?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 13

Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down about halfway and stick your nose in it. Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.

Lesson 14
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying “mommy” repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each “mommy”; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 15
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt sleeve, or elbow while playing the “mommy” tape made from Lesson 14 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Now, this post is probably not as laugh-out-loud funny to those that don't yet have children. This is over the top funny for those who do because we realize that there is significance in it all, and we have all experienced a variation of every number on the program in some form or another!

My additions based on personal experience:

Lesson 16

Never answer a phone call or attempt to phone anyone until it is after 730pm, before 7am or while in the car from your hands-free device while you are on your own. To talk above the screaming or fight with an infant over whom is holding the phone will only piss off the person on the other line.

Lesson 17

Know that any sense of SELF will be lost for at least the first 4-6 months of the child's life.  You are their food source (be it bottle or breast, they can't hold the bottle!), their support (to sit, to move, to roll, to see the world), you are their comfort. So much of this can be the most amazing feeling in the world, and at the same time, it can be the loneliest feeling. You are the WORLD to someone who can't tell you how much they appreciate what you are doing...and with those long days and nights and little to know sleep, you would kill for any form of a life of your own...honestly even a 10 minute coffee break, or better yet, NAP!

Lesson 18

Well, you're gone from your life, so what makes you think your relationship with your spouse or partner will remain the same!?

Children are amazing. They bring so much into a parents life...and being a parent, you embrace the good and the bad, the ups and the downs. Sometimes, it just helps to know what to look for to try to manage it all a little bit better =)

And if this list is a deterrent to anyone thinking of children...honestly, why would we keep going back for more if it was all so bad! I would not be the person I am today, the mom I am, the wife I am, the women I am, without having these two amazing kids of ours in my life.  They bring the love, the laughter, the strength and courage, the butterflies, the tears of joy and the smiles to my life. My life would not be complete without Kai and Si.

 

One last tip, said in the words of Rita Rudner: "My husband and I have decided to start a family while my parents are still young enough to look after them."   Thank you all so much! We are so fortunate to have our family around for support, love and help. We appreciate it and we know the kids do to!

Here are a few more quotes:

Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.  ~Elizabeth Stone

It's not only children who grow.  Parents do too.  As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours.  I can't tell my children to reach for the sun.  All I can do is reach for it, myself.  ~Joyce Maynard

The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents.  ~John J. Plump

While They Are Sleeping

While they are sleeping is the one time in the day i can count on at least 1 hour for myself.

Well, i guess i wouldn't always consider this self time as i am usually doing laundry, cleaning, doing bills, running a household, but at least its quiet!

I have now decided to take some of this time for me. To sit down here and to write.

I am surprised with every minute of life these days. It seems that just as you begin to get one area sorted out or feeling more positively about certain outcomes, there is another worry, sadness, stress, whatever waiting for you. Is this called life!? I guess so!! Although many of these lessons aren't seen at the time we experience them, there has got to be a reason for them all in something...i hope!

Currently i feel myself struggling to find a sense of self and direction in my world of marriage and motherhood. With Kai now 2.5 and Sienna 1, i feel it's my time to discover the ever-ending question of "who am i" and "what do i want." I know who i am in the form of wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend...but who am i in this life that evolves around me and what makes me happy in the everyday? Before our two amazing kids were born i ventured in a few different career paths 1) realtor 2) photographer.

 I truly LOVE these both but find myself questioning whether these are paths i want to take as career and whether i CAN take these as career while still raising our kids. I need time away from the house and kids; i am sure this is something that every mother can relate to! I need it for my own sanity!

So what is the next great place!? Work! I know, a little crazy some might think, but this introduces a new place of "adult time", sense of identity, and knowing that i have the ability to contribute to my family on a financial level as well.

So here i am, stuck with the overall question of "what do i see myself doing."

I am sure a question most have asked of themselves thru life...but when do you see the light at the end of the tunnel clearly?