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Saturday, March 22, 2014

Seeking Abs...

Why is it that every where we look, someone is selling the promise of a better looking body? This is exactly why people feel insignificance in themselves when they aren't the  "perfect" that is being sold. Me included.

As much as I try to hold confidence- as much as i tell myself that I am happy and confident in me…I still have the down times, the days or weeks that I fell not good enough. The number isn't low enough. the muscles aren't toned enough… WHY.

How am I always sold on A vision and not sold on THE vision of myself. I can say things, and I mean them…i think. I am a women. I am happy. I love and am loved. I treat myself well and hold health and exercise as a high priority in my life. Yet, I still have fat days.Yes FAT days... I have days that I wished I resembled the likes of Kate Hudson, Kara Goucher or Jen Aniston.

How can I change this mind. How can we all change our tinging thoughts that appear like bubbles from our mouths in a cartoon strip. How can I ensure that my daughters grow with a strong sense of self and worth. That they know that they are beautiful inside and out. That they are good enough, more than, and always will be…?

I am looking inside to learn more about me. Maybe locate where some of these feelings stem from. To try my hardest to lead my children down a path of no insecurities and high value.
I admire those that don't show form of insecurity- but i question…does everyone have there own war within themselves when it comes to image/body issues? I know its a more common place with women…but do men fight the same war in the same way?

Take a look at this youtube video for instance… humorous it is- but when looking at the bigger picture…why is it the women that are sold in a light that men are not.
I mean, sure, we as women enjoy looking at the likes of certain images- topless buff men or what have you- but it never seems to be as prevalent as it is in women.

I am realistic about many things. I logically get it. I have carried and am now raising three beautiful children in 3 years. I have a certain amount of time in the day. I have a life outside of workouts. I have energy levels that fluctuate. I don't always eat the best...
My body…what i put in it- what i get out of it…energy, moods…what makes me a better person, a better mom… I deal with different hormone imbalances that effect me in different ways- and slowly trying to figure these out will help my body from the inside out as well…but I am not lying when I say its a challenging road. I have to remind myself to be nice- to myself!- when I have thoughts of the not good enough image.

I give myself a break…and I am actually way more fit post kids than pre…but I still strive. I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with that. The will to work towards something. I think the issue is more in the fact of comparisons.  We are all different….to compare is not a reality. To set personal goals and work towards them- seeing your own results- is where the true reward lies…whatever that may look like to you.

Thank you for reading…and thanks for allowing myself to write my way through this! This is why I love writing, and wish i made more time to do it- I finally answered my own question…it just took a few hundred words and a lot of emotions.

and this is the perfect quote~

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Monday, January 13, 2014

5 Years Young...

somehow i never posted this one...

Our little man turns 5!!

April 7 marked our baby boy hitting a milestone birthday- one entire hand in number count~ 5!!!

I still cannot believe we have a 5 year old. I know i say time and time again that time flies- but truly- to look at our last 5 years- introducing a child in to our lives, and then looking ahead 5 years to where he is today, it is so surreal.


You are such an amazing person already. Filled with so much love and sensitivity: yet with a whole world of energy to live on. You succeed in all you touch- in your love and care for your sisters- the love for me and your dad- the skill, drive and determination you give to any and all you do and touch...you are an amazing little boy. From really learning to skate this year, so flying down the ice at hockey- learning to swim, play baseball, ski...the list is endless and i am always in aw.

My wish for you is that you follow your heart and always reach for the stars. I know you will touch them all~ I love you baby boy. Happy 5th Birthday!!


Kai celebrated 5 years enjoying another passion of his- biking. He took a few friends to the bike park for some racing fun...and tested out his new bike- in his favorite color, green!

His day from start to finish was perfect~ and he has already requested to do the same thing next year.

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Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Missing from Paradise...

Well, I am clearly not good at this writing thing these days. With best intentions i often think if what i need to write on and catch up with...but the time thing gets the best of me.

Anyways, while I sit here in Paradise...I am finding a few moments to put a few MOM thoughts to blog...

I miss my kids!

Yes. Being a parent hold many ironies.... you breathe in children every minute of every day wishing for some time to yourself- some time to breathe, relax and find yourself, even if for a brief moment. But why is it that the moment you do, you cant stop talking about them...let alone stop thinking of all the ways they would LOVE everything about the place you are in without them- and feeling a slight pang that they weren't there with you.

Parents...we are W-E-I-R-D people lol.
Please do not get me wrong. I am relaxing and enjoying every minute of our child free vacation- but there is about 25lbs missing from my left arm, another 30 missing from my right hand and 45 missing from my shirt dragging at the back. This feeling is weightless to say the least and as much as i enjoy it for a brief moment to catch my breathe, I love my kids and cant wait to hold them in my arms again :)

But for the last bit of vacation...i will do my best to enjoy this place...i know, its tough ;-)

I am blessed and so fortunate to be able to have the reality of enjoying this location and am truly pinching myself every minute as it really does- feel like a dream.

On the person/wife/love side...these bits of life to take a breather and enjoy my husband and our time as a couple- there is truly nothing better.

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Sunday, May 19, 2013


Well- that's about all i can say! Life has been busy. Kids are all consuming and I have not been good about taken much time to do the things i love...
so as i sit here on our rainy long weekend- i am taking some time to catch up on our world.

Ryan and I enjoyed a week of child-free relaxation in Cabo back in March. Yes- it already feels like it was a dream from a long time past. But that week was amazing. We did a vacation without children a few years ago and have made it a must do tradition annually. To be able to recharge ourselves as individuals- but also as a couple- is so important...a must do.

In the world of a parent, there is no downtime- you are always on. And to say the least- it can be very exhausting. Usually, aside from yourself, your relationship takes a back seat. Ryan and I have learnt that if we don't work at it...then it wont happen- to put it matter-of-factly. In order to have our amazing kids- there had to be an us to begin with- and to maintain that... we have to make sure the 'us' is priority.

And so- we had a wonderful vacation, just the two of us.

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Thursday, February 28, 2013

Proud Mommy...

My little boy is hitting many milestones quickly…and in a little over a month, he will also hold a whole handful of fingers as he turns 5! Really!? Where has that time gone? It honestly brings tears to my eyes when I think about time, and kids, and our lives…and how it is so easy to wish away time to get to another- but with life- we are wishing away those precious moments…and I want them back! Every sleepless night, scratch or bruise, tears of joy or of frustration- through all of these moments he was growing, he was transforming from this little baby, this little boy- that fit perfectly within my arms- to a boy that tests my strength when he asks to be carried to bed every night. He will ALWAYS fit perfectly in my arms, don't get me wrong- just in a different way.

The other day, Monday, Kai lost his first tooth. Wiggly for about a week, Monday morning was the day my little boy showed a little fear in the unknown as I removed the hanging tooth from his mouth, then seconds later- complete elation as he realized the tooth fairy would be making a visit tonight- and making sure to ask me whether the Tooth Fairy was real. The fact there was a question there- although he already knew the answer of yes- was even a little sad for me as hesitation and doubt seems to start so young.

Wednesday was Aunti Bully Day- and they celebrated it at the kids preschool…they put some quotes together and a group shot of all the kids in pink- Kai's quote really touched me- "Will you be my friend." It pretty much sums up the heart of this little boy. I am proud.

Kai gets major growing pains in his legs. I feel for him deeply. I remember getting these as a girl- i recall being older though- i remember having to have my ankles rubbed until i would fall asleep: and now, I rub his legs until he falls back to sleep. Growing pains- again, he isn't that little boy anymore.
He jokes with me often that he is bigger than I am- we both know its a joke- for now. I know, that soon enough, there will be no joke in that. 

Seeing Kai fill the roles in the lives of many is heart warming. He is an amazing son. His compassion, love, curiosity and tenacity for life always astounds me- and he always keeps us on our toes. He has so much love for his sisters. Always playing, always laughing, always loving. He has no fear of showing his affection and will tell you at any given moment how much he loves you- or, he will simply just show you, coming over for a hug or kiss…or both <3
kai waking t from her nap. all hugs!
I just had to take a moment tonight to express my love, gratitude and amazement for my little man. He teaches me something new about himself, life, love or myself..daily.
Take a moment and live through the eyes of children. I really believe you will learn more than you ever thought possible…

Kai I love you. I cannot believe you are going to be 5 soon. Where have these years gone?
I would like a rewind button to re-live the days a little slower…to learn a little more.
But I suppose, we have been doing a pretty good job- because you are one amazing boy.

I love you buddy.
xoxo Mom

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