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Thursday, October 7, 2010

While They Are Sleeping

While they are sleeping is the one time in the day i can count on at least 1 hour for myself.

Well, i guess i wouldn't always consider this self time as i am usually doing laundry, cleaning, doing bills, running a household, but at least its quiet!

I have now decided to take some of this time for me. To sit down here and to write.

I am surprised with every minute of life these days. It seems that just as you begin to get one area sorted out or feeling more positively about certain outcomes, there is another worry, sadness, stress, whatever waiting for you. Is this called life!? I guess so!! Although many of these lessons aren't seen at the time we experience them, there has got to be a reason for them all in something...i hope!

Currently i feel myself struggling to find a sense of self and direction in my world of marriage and motherhood. With Kai now 2.5 and Sienna 1, i feel it's my time to discover the ever-ending question of "who am i" and "what do i want." I know who i am in the form of wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend...but who am i in this life that evolves around me and what makes me happy in the everyday? Before our two amazing kids were born i ventured in a few different career paths 1) realtor 2) photographer.

 I truly LOVE these both but find myself questioning whether these are paths i want to take as career and whether i CAN take these as career while still raising our kids. I need time away from the house and kids; i am sure this is something that every mother can relate to! I need it for my own sanity!

So what is the next great place!? Work! I know, a little crazy some might think, but this introduces a new place of "adult time", sense of identity, and knowing that i have the ability to contribute to my family on a financial level as well.

So here i am, stuck with the overall question of "what do i see myself doing."

I am sure a question most have asked of themselves thru life...but when do you see the light at the end of the tunnel clearly?
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