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Thursday, June 30, 2011

Trying Times...

Life has been full lately as we have been running at full speed. Almost relax time! Long weekend here we come!!

With the way life has been, I have been feeling really guilty about the quality time (or lack there of) I have been spending with my kids. I am so excited for this weekend ahead full of family time and celebrations.
With the chaos of work and life last week, the nanny bill added up way too quickly as I had little time to think let alone be home playing with the kids. I know that life just goes like that sometimes, and in my line of work I have to take it when it comes, but it makes me feel that pang of guilt for not being there as much with the kids.
And then, when I am there... Lately I feel the guilt as I am sending Kai to time-out and trying to get Si to understand the concept as they are both, shall I say, testing the boundaries. Some days it feels like a no win situation; and
I am taking it all in stride, trying to navigate through the terrible 3's of Kai and almost 2's of Si. Yes, they are a real phase. No they are not only the Terrible Twos. I figure they are labeled as such because that is around the age they begin...give or take a year. I figure, they are not talked about as the terrible years or decades because that would just scare everyone into vasectomies and/or tube tying! The real fact is, parenting is scary. You do your best and raise you kids the best way you know how. This young age is when children are learning they too have a voice, and that yes, they can be heard! I mean really, can you think back upon your childhood and teenage years and think of a time you weren't worrying or tormenting your parents. Yes, its called payback...and its real.
For me, I recall falling on glass as an infant and needing stitches in my wrist; I have been told of temper-tantrums thrown in the middle of stores with everyone looking on with faces of judgement (clearly these people did not have children); The I hate you dad years; The I hate you mom years; The I hate my sibling years...you get the point. There is always and will always be something.
So as a mom...I take it one day at a time. One minute at a time. I do my best. I am the best mom I can be.
I love them with all my heart. I may miss some hours in the day but I am not missing their lives. I spoil them (yes its true). I discipline them. And I do my best to direct them through life the best way I know how.

I love you Kai and Si.
Thank you for having come into my life. Thank you for being you. Thank you for teaching me what Unconditional Love truly is.

"Mommies are just big little girls.  ~Author Unknown"
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