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Thursday, September 27, 2012

Lots of M-O-M time...

As of recently, or family life has changed dynamics a little. Ryan is back to the sky.

When we first met, some 13 years ago, my sexy boyfriend was going through school to become a pilot. He followed this endevour successfully for years and then due to some extenuating circumstances, Left the sky for ground for some years.
When that happened (pre kids) it was a change to our working dynamic. I was used to him being gone here and there: when he was gone I scheduled friend get-togethers and other life things sans the boyfriend...and eventually husband. But then, he stopped flying, and that was another schedule to get accustomed too.
I had to mention pre kids prior because that really changes the dynamic in either situation.  Anyways, as of lately I am truly so so proud of him and to be able to say he has returned part time to the sky!  A huge milestone and so happy for him and us on many levels.
However, the one thing I really have to get used to, him being gone! So before, when he flew...there were 0 children...now, there are 3... One parent, MANY activities, the 'whiney' years make for LONG days and LONG nights. When you are down to one, it feels even LONGER.

He is thankfully back from his trip, until next week: however put late most this week.
I think some more me time is in order, otherwise I may go crazy.

Is it normal to feel so overwhelmed by your own children sometimes!?  I love them. I love their moments. Their memories. However some days are way more trying than others. And some days, I feel like I an the yelling mom way more than I want to be.

I occasionally feel overworked and under valued so to speak. Working round the clock with 3 kids, still working  to help our family...stressing about work to help our family...I wonder some days when the break will come. I know that everyone had these days. I know that these days will come and go...but sometimes I just want to, well...scream. Sometimes, when I pile my plate so full, I feel like I have built an expectation by others to always work at that level. Like walking out of the hospital less than 20 hours after the birth to our 3rd baby...while on the phone dealing with an offer, is something 'normal.'  no down time.
No down time is a reality that parents have. It's a true fact. Just like worry. Your heart now lives outside your body...in your children; and suddenly, nothing else matters. They are, all that matters to you. Your family is what matters. And at the end of whatever type of day you have had, that really is, all that matters.

To my kids,
I am sorry some days my patience runs thin and my voice gets loud. I NEVER love you any less. I always love you with all my heart. Some days, I just let myself get the best of me.
I love you.
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