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Thursday, September 20, 2012

"Mommy Confidential"...

Ricki Lake is back on the air. To be honest, I didn't really think twice about watching her show as our TV really isn't on during the day...and if it is, it is tuned to the like of my children's choices! But the other day, I read the info for her show that aired yesterday, and PVR'd it and watched it last night.

The episode was entitled "Mommy Confidential" and it was discussing a number of different parenting topics: from breastfeeding in public to not feeling like a good mother...it was a really interesting show- with some very strong opinions.
Mommies confess their secret emotions
I would love to hear your thoughts on the topics...
the breastfeeding in public was an interesting one...one mothers thoughts were basically that the act of breastfeeding isn't really about a bonding experience, and more so one of need. Her children (she has twins) need to eat and when they are hungry, the boobs come out and they are fed. She related it to a strawberry. If they were hungry and wanted a strawberry, she would give them that anywhere, so why should it matter what the food.

The funny thing is, most of us were breastfed at one point. It is a natural act that our bodies are made to do. Sure, some people are unable or have different difficulties, but the fact is, it shouldn't be so frowned upon in public...so my is it!?

I have breastfed all three of my kids. The length of times all varied, however I attempted it. I myself was never fully comfortable whipping it out in public...I actually wasn't totally comfortable doing it around family. I always wore a sling, or left the room when doing so. I don't know that anyone would have judged me for staying in the room...but I felt more comfortable leaving.
When I decided to stop breastfeeding T, I definitely felt judged by some other mothers. Why is there such a stigma around doing so or not, along with where and how.
Funny how us mothers feel alone at some point in the child-rearing process, and yet continue to pass judgement.

The other topic was regarding not feeling like a good mom (to sum it up).
I think that any parent that is honest with themselves feels this in some way shape or form at certain times!
I remember my first real time of feeling this way: Kai was a baby, and he had just fallen off the change table...again. Yes, it happened twice. It was when he was first beginning to roll and both times caught me totally off guard. The first time, yes I felt terrible but was more consumed with "is he hurt." He wasn't thankfully...either time. The second time it occurred, i was mortified. I could not believe i had allowed this to happen again. I was the worst mother.
These days, I have my days of feeling terrible in different ways. No falling off change tables, i learnt that the hard was with the first child. I find myself feeling like a bad mom when I don't have the energy for them and get "snappy." Yes, the yelling mom comes out sometimes and on those days where my yells outnumber the rational talking voice...i don't think i have done a very good job of parenting.

Remember...sometimes you just need to take a breathe.

I have heard this quote before that is somewhere along the lines of "I was a better mother before I had children," it is an ironic quote as you will never fully get it, until you have kids of your own!
I think that I am a pretty great Mom. And I do the best I can do. Yes, there are "those days." Ones that make others look like cake, but if they were all the same, we would not be learning, and I suppose our kids would not be developing. Yes, the quote in a way is a reality....but I think maybe instead of thinking I would be a better mother, just knowing that I am a different mother. Life changes and different realities take shape...and we become a newer, better, self...that learns to roll with some pretty challenging punches!

My last word of advice...make sure you take some time out for you as well as time out for you and your husband. Remember who started the family in the first place. If there is no you, there is no family.

“(24/7) once you sign on to be a mother, that's the only shift they offer.” 
 Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper

Anyways, I was impressed with the topics breached on Motherhood on Ricki. I think I may have to watch this show more often :)
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